My Lament

I miss the way
you were
when we were
younger.
I miss
my innocence,
and how I
worshipped you.
I miss not having
a third party
friend
show me all the
hurt
you playfully,
unknowingly
caused…
I wish
I could have that
back.
I want
to be able to
defend you
to others
without feeling like
I’m lying,
or just making
excuses
for you.
I miss having my
unconditional love
justified
in my eyes.
Even though you
picked on me,
used me to spar with…
without my consent
many times,
belittled me,
patronized me,
and made me feel
the foolish
idiot…
I would,
and still try to,
defend you.
I miss feeling the
appreciation gotten
from doing that.
We were so close,
I was your shadow…
“Don’t go where
I can’t follow.”
is what Samwise
said to Frodo
when he was poisoned
by the spider…
it’s what I felt
the moment you
left for college…
the moment
you fell
helplessly
in love with her…
but you
left
anyway…
and the person
that came back…
isn’t the same.
I still love you –
completely,
wholly,
and still
unconditionally…
I just wish
I could be
certain
you felt the
same
for me…